How did/does family shape your perception of strength?: For me, my first perception of strength was by observing my mom and dad. I was raised by two hard working parents, so in my adolescence, a “strong person” was a diligent worker. Late adolescence I remember thinking that being strong was the ability to hold back tears so I could be “strong” for my sister while my parents were divorcing. Now, I believe that it takes immense strength to reveal vulnerable states to trusted people, a step that is important in the healing process. We are continually redefining and deepening our understanding of “strength” throughout different periods of life, new experiences, observing others, and particularly after rising up from the lows. So for me, family showed me a concrete aspect of strength, but most of my adult abstract perceptions of strength have come from learned experiences later on.
Who is a female role model in your life and why?: My Bachan (grandma)! Not only is she physically strong (shoveling feet of snow in her driveway in her 90s), she is also emotionally and mentally strong. Bachan grew up on a farm, and as a kid she was expected to do well in school and work on the farm. She didn’t have time to play. Her high school years were spent imprisoned at Heart Mountain, a Japanese internment camp. She lived through subsequent years of hateful racism for decades after the war ended. What does her life look like now? She drives her Japanese church friends to the casino once weekly, prepares meals for church members, watches her favorite sports teams on TV, and is loved dearly by her four kids and grandchildren. Life could be very different for her depending on her reaction to the hardships she faced. I admire her tenacity, graciousness, and patient nature.
When has your strength been personally challenged and how did you respond?: In my late teens and through my early 20s, I went to numerous doctor appointments in hopes to figure out why I was physically and mentally tired all the time. I had specialists who told me I was “just depressed”, that I was just “out of shape”, and that my mom had “caused my anxiety”. Four years later I was sent to Sleep Medicine and tested positive for Narcolepsy, a life-long sleep disorder characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness. At first, I was relieved to know that there WAS something physiologically wrong with me; it wasn’t just “in my head” – but after the relief wore off, resentment flooded in. Will I be able to continue on my pre-med track and be a successful doctor? Will my fatigue let me handle pregnancy? My questions were endless and life felt hopeless yet again.
After months of self-pity I told myself I had to move forward. This fatigued, foggy brained person is my new baseline and I need to learn how to love myself, and live life to the fullest. In this time, strength was turning my resentment into a new gratefulness for myself. It was appreciating the hardship associated with Narcolepsy because it left me with a greater compassion toward others struggling and hurting. Strength was also releasing my ego and applying to medical school despite having a considerably lower GPA than the average student accepted. It was persevering each day and liberating vulnerable tears when needed. It was doing my best but also reaching out for help.
Ask me again in five years when I am done with medical school and residency for answer part two.
Tiana’s Intentional Act of Kindness
How did you use the $100? I gave $100 to a young woman in my community. I knew I wanted to give the full $100 to a sole person. I wanted it to go to a woman, to recognize the strength she has shown despite continual barriers. I wanted it to go to a humble, kind-hearted, tenacious person. My partner is very involved in the Bellingham community and recommended a very deserving beneficent.
What was the ‘Intentional Act of Kindness’ process like for you? Fun! It's not every day that you get to hand $100 to a person you just met. I look forward to seeing how others use the "intentional Act of Kindness" and the number of different communities this project will touch!!