What does "being strong" mean to you? Strength to me is believing in myself, and having confidence in my convictions and my decisions. If I start to feel insecure about a business decision, or I'm just feeling vulnerable about something in my personal life, I ask myself, "Is there something I haven't said out loud that I should? Someone's point of view I haven't considered?" Very Libra behavior, maybe, but more often then not if I'm feeling the rumblings of insecurity it's because I left some emotional stone unturned. Back when I worked as a footwear designer, if someone ever hesitated in reviewing a design, we'd poke at the problem and be like, "Why? Why? Why?" Because to make a strong design you had to understand why someone had misgivings about something, and the root of those misgivings. And I kind of use that same template in how I approach life. I'm pretty sure I drive my family crazy with it, though! It's something I think I'm continually developing.
What keeps you strong in times of trial? Reconnecting with nature is always my go-to when times are tough. Growing up, we'd spend the summers at my family's cabin in the Gulf Islands of British Columbia, and we had no running water or electricity and 70 acres to roam. It was basically homesteading, and even basic everyday tasks took forever to do ("doing the dishes" involved chopping wood/starting a fire, fetching water, boiling it, etc.…). It felt like the exact opposite of the everyday suburban grind. During my summers there I feel like I entered a flow-state of boredom -- all my best thinking happened there -- all the best creativity, the problem solving, the daydreaming. I remember I once asked my Uncle Ranny why it was so relaxing at the cabin and he said, "It's the absence of 60 cycle hum." And I thought, What the heck is Uncle Ranny ranting about? But he was talking about the constant low buzz of electricity that surrounds modern life, and now that I'm older I kind of feel like he was on to something. So when times are crazy I tell my family (in my Uncle Ranny voice, of course) -- "Let's go find somewhere with no 60 cycle hum!" That usually means a hike. I'm glad to carry that torch for him.
Who is a female role model in your life and why? My mom has always been a huge inspiration. She became pregnant with my sister during her freshman year of college and was forced to drop out. This was 1970, and at the time there really was no clear pathway forward. She eventually put herself through undergrad as a single mom, and then through law school at University of North Carolina, where she met my dad. She faced a lot of discrimination as a single mother and also as one of the few female students in the law program at the time. She famous retells a story of a meeting with one of her professors where he gave her the ultimatum -- "Do you want to be a lawyer, or a mother?" As if those were mutually exclusive options. For my early childhood she was a SAHM and occasionally a highly overqualified paralegal, then eventually ran for our local city council. By the time I was in high school she was the mayor of Kirkland, and then went on to work as both a legislator and a judge. She's a shining example of paving the way of the next generation -- nothing came easy for her and I'm so impressed with her accomplishments.
What advice would you give to the next generation of strong women? I think there's some hardwiring biologically that makes women incredible at multi-tasking, and also a tendency (perhaps because of our impostor syndrome?) to overprepare. As a result, I feel like every single woman I've mentored has either been headed towards burnout, in the midst of burnout, or recovering from a burnout. And I have experienced it myself as well! During COVID I was working really long hours -- starting a 5am just to get some work done, and sitting in zoom meetings all day and then starting up the work again. And the kids were home, so they were running around and we were balancing that, as well. One day I attempted to block my calendar to sit and have lunch with my daughter, and right before that window someone senior to me threw a meeting on the calendar and that window of free time was gone. After her lunch, my daughter came in to me and passed me a note -- she was outside and saw some spring flowers blooming and her note described what they looked like. She said, "I wrote this down for you since you don’t have the time to see them." And that just hit me really hard -- that I missed that moment, and also that she was thoughtful enough to try to capture it for me. I was so focused on keeping all of the balls in the air that I missed this simple life moment, so I started asking myself -- what happens if I "drop the ball"? Would it have been the end of the world if I declined that meeting? So the "art of dropping the ball" is what I advise, and how to evaluate the important balls to keep in the air versus the ones you can probably drop. Bringing those things into balance brings strength to how you show up in both your personal and professional life.
If you could ask a question to other women regarding strength, what would you ask? I would be so curious to know how others define strength, and if their definition has changed over time. For me, strength comes from identifying what my weaknesses are and working on them. They've been largely constant over my lifetime. I think that's probably unique to each person, and so their approach to building strength is likely different, too. My weakness is indecision, or feeling insecure about my decisions, and so I feel most strong when I have confidence in my convictions. And my tools for getting to that moment -- seeking the input of others, making space for what's important and taking time to delve into my own thoughts in nature -- are so tailored for that desired outcome.
Emily’s Intentional Act of Kindness
How did you use the $100? Initially, I was inspired to use the $100 to fill the pantry of a local church that hosts safe parking -- I had seen a post on a neighborhood group about their store getting low and I thought it would be a good experience to take the $100 and shop for essentials with my two daughters. However, when I called to ask what they most needed, they told me someone has already stocked them up and now they were overwhelmed with donations! So it was back to the drawing board. My youngest daughter had the idea to use a portion of the money to fund a lemonade stand in order to multiply our donation, and to use it to fund a hunger program more generally. She researched and choice Action Against Hunger USA, which helps feed children in emergency situations like natural disasters or conflict zones.
I thought it was fitting to use entrepreneurship to multiply our impact -- Enid definitely has the business bug like me, and loves to come up with summer activities that revolve around little start-up businesses. She's also incredibly giving and very sensitive to the issues of the world, so I know she was focused on making sure we could donate as much as possible. We chose hunger as an area of focus because it is, of course, one of the most fundamental of human needs, and I think also one of the most profound ways to show someone that you care.
What was the 'Intentional Act of Kindness' process like for you? We used about $15 of our $100 to buy cups and lemonade supplies. Enid also picked berries and zucchini from our garden and rounded out the offering with homemade jam and zucchini muffins. We set up on a sunny evening near a local high-traffic dog park and walking area. I posted on social media to let our neighborhood know where she was set up. Her sign offered lemonade, muffins and jam for any donation amount. Unfortunately, our first day didn't go as planned -- Enid received only one $5 donation in return for a cup of lemonade over two hours. She was disheartened (as was I), but it was a good moment of reflection. That night, she wasn't sure she had it in her to try again the next morning. Overnight, a few out of town friends saw my social media post and Venmo'd her donations from afar, which bolstered her spirits. We set up in a new location for another 2 hour window and she had much more success. At the end of the day she was able to raise $232 -- which, combined with the initial $100, resulted in a $332 donation.